she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
