you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
