YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
