Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
