Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
well I can't set my house on fire every night
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
