Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
