Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Someone came in the potted fern
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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