can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
