So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
