haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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