Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
