The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
never play flip cup with pint glasses
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
