she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
