You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
