I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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