Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
