so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
