He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
