idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
