either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I have feelings that need drinking.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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