3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
