I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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