We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
