ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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