Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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