if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
