i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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