remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
