Who wears a wallet chain?!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
