The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
