Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
