wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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