at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
