when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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