i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
