OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Tell her she can't have a vagina
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
