You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
