I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
