Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
