If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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