Will you blow on my dice?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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