I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
