I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
