Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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