i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
