i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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