Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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