do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
