Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
