You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i've created a new STD.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
