Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
