your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
